Wow! That is all that comes to mind when I sit quietly and reflect on this past decade. There has been so many trials, triumphs, and revelations. Who I was in 2006 is definitely not who I am in 2017. At one time I might have thought of this as a bad thing but today I realize just how positive this really is. Truthfully, even with the loss of major organs, a permanent ileostomy, complete hair loss on my entire body, having to walk away from a very rewarding fifteen year teaching career and most recently the ending of a decade-long relationship; I can still say I am a more grounded person in who I am today because of all of it. Good and bad, easy or difficult, heartwarming or heartbreaking all these experiences have provided me with opportunities to grow.
I admit some days I felt stuck, uprooted and as if the rug was stripped out from under me and I landed face down on a concrete floor. You see there is this thing about me that I have been aware of ever since I was little. I think of it as my fearLESS spark. That spark that no matter how bad it gets I will not allow the outside world to put it out. It’s been put to the test believe me, on countless occasions. Challenging times as a kid, events as a teen that left me questioning people’s motives and trustworthiness, the loss of my best friend in college, the difficulties of trying to figure out where I fit in in this world, decisions I made that haunted me, students who died in spite of, my best efforts, animal companions and loved ones who passed on, relationships that ended poorly and a health journey I could have never have seen coming.
But through it all, that feeling, that get up, don’t give up, dust yourself off and shine your light to the world feeling just would not go out completely no matter what happened. Sometimes I wondered if I was just a little bit “off”, a little bit out on the fringe. I mean to think that I could actually keep pushing forward as the world crumbled down around me seemed almost absurd. Sometimes it felt like I was watching a movie, outside of my body and seeing how it slowly played out. Surreal, that’s how it was. Maybe that’s why I have always loved Dali, lol.
Over time I have come to realize that my purpose, my “why”; has everything to do with that spark. That deep feeling in my core that keeps pushing me to move forward, to find the good in the world, to laugh in spite of everything, to block out the noise of the naysayers, to dance around my living room with my animal companions and to forgive myself for all my many shortcomings. That was what had kept my head just enough above the water that I could still breath and to see the safe island off in the distance. That spark has provided me with the light to travel through some very dark areas of my life and somehow come out on the other side.
Today I continue to move forward in my health journey and I love sharing my progress with all of you. I decided years ago to not be defined as the 1-2% of the population that challenging medical mishaps happen to but to be the 1-2% of the individuals who overcome those challenges despite what the medical community predicted for their future. I want to inspire others to ignite their own personal spark. To rise up and feel their own internal power and to persevere in spite of the odds. Create your own ending, reinvent yourself and don’t allow others to define you.
Join me fearLESS warriors in my journey to reclaim our unique purpose in this world. Let’s make those sparks come to life!
Enjoy my video below and let me know what sets your core on fire.
#BeWell #DoGood #fearLESS