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Scars and good-byes

"Be a scar-do not be ashamed of living through something" by Nayyirah Waheed. That was my tweet earlier today. It has been a week of ups and downs and a Monday full of heartache as I said goodbye to my beautiful senior rescue dog Petey, as my youngest rescue dog Finnegan sat by my side. Needless to say in the last 48 hours I have been thinking a lot about scars and good-byes.

Good-byes can be to loved ones both animals and human, but it can also be to your past. Your past physical body, your past career, your past decisions, your past traumas. All of it can be left behind but often there are scars where they were once held. These scars can be visible or invisible. Regardless of which we all know that they're there.

Today is a day that I am always reminded of a scar, a goodbye and of a new beginning.

You see today September 12, 2018 marks 7 years since I had my emergency, life-saving surgery at Mass General Hospital in Boston, Massachusetts. My permanent ileostomy is forever. My beautiful scars to add to my collection of so many others.

My stoma I named "Daisy" will literally be forever by my side. I named her Daisy because Gerbera Daisies have always been my favorite, they are what I refer to as a happy flower. I didn't want to cloud my future in darkness, I wanted it to be happy and bright like the Gerbera Daisies I would often buy on my Artist's Way dates in Watertown and Haverhill, MA., long before the years and years of illness and personal struggle here in Connecticut.

Surrounded by yellow healing light, thank you Daisy.

You see Daisy and those scars saved my life. Those scars gave me the years I had with my rescue dog Petey and the ability to hold him on Monday morning and comfort him as I said another sorrowful good-bye. Had I not ended up with those scars I would not have even been here for the eight beautiful years with Petey and many of my other rescue companions.

That scar, that goodbye to my physical body as I knew it still provided a beautiful outcome, time. Time to love my animals, my family, my friends and myself, Time to adjust to the new me. The scar was well worth it even though it was very painful. Scars are often that way.

My message today is a simple one. Please, friends, try to embrace your scars, I know it's not easy especially the ones that are not visible, but try. Try to feel them, honor them, work through them, and then release them. We all have them. My scars are my journey, all of them especially the ones I find the most difficult to address.

When I feel a certain response to a scar, you know the ones that still make you cringe just thinking of them; that's when I know there's more work to be done, and that's okay too. We are all beautiful works in progress until our last breath.

Today it's a little darker celebrating "Daisy" because of the recent loss of my Petey and admittedly it always feels heavy after September 11th. Regardless, I will find moments of gratitude and happiness today and every day because I am here, I am alive and I am still breathing in and out. Thank you Daisy, thank you.

Me, Petey & Finn August 31, 2018
Dr. Matthews working on Petey August 31,2018

Until next time my fearLESS friends, be well, do good and fearLESS.

Love & Light,


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